


it'll be okay

by fairyzhengting



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 乐华七子NEXT | NEX7, 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hallucinations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23642902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyzhengting/pseuds/fairyzhengting
Summary: Minghao's dead. Chengcheng's in denial.
Relationships: Fan Chengcheng & Huang Minghao | Justin, Fan Chengcheng/Huang Minghao | Justin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	it'll be okay

**Author's Note:**

> idk why the italics only work for the first part of the story ? i put 'hallucination' and 'reality' so hopefully you'll be able to understand the story better :)

hallucination

_“Huang Minghao?” Chengcheng called out. The apartment was dim and silent. He wondered why Minghao didn’t turn the lights on. “Minghao, where are you?”_

_“In here!” Chengcheng finally heard Minghao’s voice coming from his bedroom. He smiled. After he set his things down and took off his shoes, he made his way toward Minghao’s voice._

_Minghao was lying on their bed. It was actually Chengcheng’s bed, but he couldn’t say that he minded sharing. He crawled in right next to the younger boy._

_“How was your meeting?” Minghao asked, setting his phone down._

_It was Chengcheng’s favourite part of the day. He would get home, find Minghao somewhere in their apartment, and plop himself right next to his boyfriend. Minghao would ask about his day and he would tell him. If he had a bad day, he vented and Minghao was more than willing to focus on nothing but him._

_“I missed you.” Chengcheng would tell him. He would wrap his arms around Minghao, creating enough warmth for the both of them. “I missed you so much.”_

_And he would pout, pouting more when Minghao would laugh at him playfully, telling Chengcheng that it’s only been a few hours._

_“Chengcheng?” Minghao called out. “Chengcheng?” ___

__

__\-------------------_ _

__reality_ _

__

__“Chengcheng!” Zhengting was in front of him, grabbing the sides of his shirt collar. “What are you doing?!”_ _

__

__Chengcheng was confused. He felt dizzy from Zhengting’s force on him. _Where was Minghao? _He soon realized that Zhengting was crying, tears leaking out of his cinnamon brown eyes. When Chengcheng hummed, indicating that he was confused, Zhengting shook him again.___ _

____ _ _

____“Snap out of it!” Zhengting cried desperately._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Chengcheng didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be with Minghao again who was nowhere in sight. He called out for Minghao, trying to squirm out of Zhengting’s tight hold on him._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“Fan Chengcheng!”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____A cold hand striked across his cheek. It burned. It burned so bad that tears formed in his eyes. He looked up at Zhengting. Zhengting had slapped him. He fell back on his bed, escaping Zhengting’s uncomfortable grip, and clutched his cheek tightly. He stared at the older boy in shock, wondering why Zhengting would ever hit him. Just then, Zhengting broke down, arms shielding his eyes. He was sobbing. Chengcheng couldn’t understand why._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____\-------------------  
hallucination_ _ _ _

____ _ _

_____Minghao was sitting on the balcony when Chengcheng woke up from his nap. ‘He looks so peaceful,’ he thought to himself. A part of him almost didn’t want to disturb him. Luckily, Minghao turned around, spotting Chengcheng in the living room, standing like an idiot. Minghao smiled. The sun reflected off his face._ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____Chengcheng was a sucker for Minghao’s smiles. They lit up his world. When Minghao smiled, it almost felt like the world was smiling as well. It brought colour to Chengcheng’s eyes._ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____He smiled back and joined him on the balcony, taking a seat on the ground beside him. The sun was starting to set. The sky was painted various shades of pink and blue. It almost looked like cotton candy._ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____Chengcheng always thought Minghao looked the best in sunsets. Sure, Minghao always looked good, but it was as if he was glowing in sunsets. They never got up early enough for sunrises, Chengcheng being a heavy sleeper and not wanting to wake up. Though they were always in time for sunsets._ _ _ _ _

_____“What are you thinking about?” Chengcheng asked, leaning in closer to his boyfriend. Minghao rested his head against Chengcheng’s shoulder, gazing out into the horizon._ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____He swallowed before responding to Chengcheng’s question with, “our future.”_ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____Minghao interlaced their hands together, squeezing Chengcheng’s tightly. He looked up at him hesitantly, their eyes locking. Chengcheng didn’t know why Minghao was thinking about their future, but he accepted it, and leaned down to capture Minghao’s lips on his own._ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____“Why are you thinking about that?” He asked inquisitively, leaning his head on Minghao’s, stroking his fingers through his hair tenderly._ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____“Don’t you wonder about it too?”_ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____“I mean, yeah...but isn’t it better to live in the present?”_ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____Minghao lifted his head to look at him. His eyebrows furrowed. “You’re always living in the present. Aren’t you worried about what might happen in the future?”_ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____“Of course I am. But right now, all I’m sure about is that my future is you. You are my future, Huang Minghao.”_ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____Minghao blushed, looking like a pink flower. He looked like the cutest boy in the whole world. When Minghao smiled, Chengcheng thought that it could compete against the sun and win._ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____“I love you.” Chengcheng said. It almost hurted how much he meant it._ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____It wasn’t the first time he told Minghao that he loved him, but it felt like the most memorable. He felt that he would remember this moment forever with Minghao in his arms. He only hoped that Minghao was thinking the same thing. ____ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______\-------------------_ _ _ _ _ _

______reality_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What are you guys doing?” Chengcheng followed the boys to a cemetery. Minghao disappeared from his sight once again._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______The boys didn’t tell Chengcheng anything, just brought him into his car and now they were here. “W-why did you bring me here?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______“We thought you might’ve wanted to see Minghao’s grave.” Yanjun told him. His voice quivered. He was nervous, scared even. He looked like he might cry. Yanjun never cried._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______“W-what? What do you mean by Minghao’s grave?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______Chengcheng was shaking as shivers crawled down his spine and throughout his body. He felt weak._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______“Chengcheng,” Xukun spoke softly. He held onto Chengcheng’s arm, his fingernails dug into Chengcheng’s sweater. “Are you okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______Chengcheng glared at him. How could Xukun say that? “Xukun, I…” He felt angry. “Why...why would you-” His hands balled into tight fists._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______“Ch-chengcheng?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______He wasn’t paying attention to whoever said that. He felt his face heating up as sweat beads formed slowly on his nose. Chengcheng always sweated first on his nose. _Minghao was the only person who knew that. _____ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We need to get you help, Chengcheng. We’re going to get you help.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I don’t need help!” Chengcheng swatted away the hand that was on his shoulder, the owner of the hand flinched. The other boys backed away, staring at him like he was some kind of demon. Chengcheng’s eyes darkened and narrowed; they looked like they had no life in them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“P-please, Chengcheng,” Zhangjing shivered. “We’re just trying to help you.” His eyes glistened with tears. They reminded Chengcheng of Minghao._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Where’s Minghao?” It was an order rather than a question. “I need to see him.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Chengcheng, please. If you could just listen to us, please, get in the car.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Tell me where the hell Minghao is!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We’re trying!” Xukun yelled. His voice was rough, immediately silencing Chengcheng. Xukun drew in a sharp breath. “We’re trying. You’re not listening, Chengcheng.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Chengcheng closed his eyes, convincing himself that he was only having a nightmare. A nightmare where his friends tried to tell him that his boyfriend was dead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________How could they?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________\-------------------  
hallucination_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Haohao? Where are you going?” Chengcheng asked when he saw Minghao by the front door, slipping his shoes on. Minghao glanced up at him when he finished tying his laces._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m just going for a walk. I’ll be right back.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“A walk? Would you like me to accompany you?” Chengcheng was about to put his coat on before Minghao halted him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“It’s fine. You should get some sleep, it’s late.” Minghao offered a smile. It looked sad._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Is everything alright?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Minghao didn’t answer right away. He stared at the floor before saying, “I’m fine, Cheng. Don’t worry about me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Chengcheng thought he wanted to say something else, but didn’t comment on it. Minghao wanted space, so Chengcheng was gonna give it to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Alright. Be careful, okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I will. I love you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Minghao opened the door and left. It shut with a click. Chengcheng thought about going after him and giving him a jacket, but decided against it. He was starting to get worried. Minghao didn’t seem himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Stupidly, he let himself trust the younger boy’s words. When has Minghao ever lied to him? He sat at the kitchen table, trying his best to not worry about Minghao._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Chengcheng felt something in his gut, telling him that Minghao would not return soon like he said he would. He tried to push the feeling away, but it continued to gnaw at him. He wanted to run out the door and bring Minghao back home. He wanted to find out what was wrong with him and why he wasn’t being himself. But he didn’t listen to himself. He couldn’t._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Suddenly, sirens started blaring down the street. The sound of the ambulance was deafening in his ears. Everything seemed to click. His eyes widened. He dashed toward the balcony, staring out its glass doors._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________All he saw were red and blue lights. There were police, paramedics, and firefighters rushing down the road. His heart roared in his chest. He could only pray that it wasn’t what he thought it was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He couldn’t keep it in anymore, pulling the sliding door open. “Minghao!” He screamed into the distance. It was almost as if the sirens started blaring even louder. He called out again. “Huang Minghao!” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________\-------------------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________reality_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“You’ve got to let this go!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________It was Zhengting’s voice again. Chengcheng was on the balcony, except there were no sirens screaming in his eardrums. It was silent. Too silent, almost._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Zhengting was pressed against Chengcheng’s back, his arms around his waist. He wasn’t crying this time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Minghao?” Chengcheng appointed, barely above a whisper. _Where did the sirens go? Where did Minghao go? _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“He’s not here, Cheng. He’s not here.” Zhengting’s face was pressed into his neck. He sounded muffled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Chengcheng turned around slowly, taking Zhengting’s arms away from him. He faced the older boy, pouting slightly. “Where is he?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“He...he’s dead.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________A stab. Chengcheng refused to believe it. “Stop lying.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“He’s dead, Chengcheng. You need to cut it out.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I said, stop lying!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I’m not lying to you!” Zhengting’s hair was messed up, a few pieces fell into his eyes. “Why would I lie about that? He’s dead, Chengcheng! He died seven months ago!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________It was as if Zhengting had powers to make Chengcheng stifle. Chengcheng shut his mouth. He couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t real. This was a nightmare and it would be over soon. It would be over and Minghao would be in his arms again, lighting up his world with his smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I’m dreaming, Zhengting. This must be a nightmare,” his voice was distant, almost as if there was no life in him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Chengcheng, I...I wish you were, baby. I loved him too. He, he was my baby.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“He’s really dead?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Zhengting nodded, wetting his lips nervously. Tears were running down his cheeks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Chengcheng’s face felt wet. He couldn’t tell if it was sweat or tears, or both. He wiped at his eyes. They glistened in the moonlight. A teardrop landed at the corner of his mouth, then another followed. Not long after, he started sobbing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Zhengting took him in his arms, comforting him with a hand on his back and the other stroking through his hair. Chengcheng cried like a child, wetting Zhengting’s shirt in the process. He cried and cried and cried. When he finally stopped, Zhengting released their hug, offering Chengcheng some space to breathe._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Chengcheng, can you listen to me just this once? Please?” Zhengting spoke quietly, trying not to startle Chengcheng who seemed as breakable as glass. He sniffled, a small hiccup following. “Chengcheng?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Chengcheng nodded, allowing Zhengting to continue with his request. Zhengting spoke slowly. “We’ve been thinking this over, and I think we all agree that you would be doing much better if you started some therapy lessons. You don’t have to say anything yet, just maybe think about it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Chengcheng nodded slowly, taking it all in. Zhengting continued on, “it would only be one session, then you can decide if you want to continue or not. We’re not forcing you to do it, but I think we all know that it would be better for you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Zhengting wiped at Chengcheng’s cheeks, brushing some tears away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Okay,” Chengcheng said so quietly Zhengting almost missed it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“O-okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Okay.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________\-------------------  
reality_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“How are you feeling?” Xukun asked Chengcheng. They were on their way to his first therapy session. It had been two weeks since Chengcheng agreed. Two weeks since he stopped hallucinating about Minghao._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Chengcheng was gazing out the window. His attention fully turned from Xukun. He didn’t move when Xukun spoke, but answered his question with, “good.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________He couldn’t tell if he himself meant it or not, but it was good enough. Beside him, Xukun nodded and focused back on driving._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________When they arrived at the building, Chengcheng felt nervous. Xukun could tell by the way he kept taking deep breaths. He squeezed Chengcheng’s shoulder and reminded him to relax. Chengcheng calmed down and was finally ready to go. He pressed down on the door handle and stepped out of the car. “Chengcheng?” Xukun called out after him. “Have a good session. I’ll be waiting for you in the car.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“Alright,” Chengcheng was about to close the door before he halted. “And Xukun?” Xukun peered at him curiously. “Thank you. Thank you for helping me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Xukun grinned. “Get outta here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Chengcheng laughed and shut the door. He was finally feeling okay. Sure, there was room for improvement, but that’s why he was here. He was finally getting the help he needed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________He entered the building and walked down a hallway that would lead him to where the session was being held at. When he found the room, he breathed a nervous breath._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________A familiar voice was heard from a distance, and he turned around. Standing there was Minghao, smiling and flashing him a thumbs-up. Chengcheng smiled back before Minghao disappeared again from his sight. He didn’t try to call out for him, but instead pushed down on the door handle and entered the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________It’s all going to be okay. He’s going to be okay_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
